Grumpy Old Gundam Pilots play Bingo... or try to.
by Dark Neko Shinigami
Summary: R on the safe side for Language. Another one of my 'Grumpy' stories, but this one will have chapters! Yay! R&R Onegai! Arigatou!
1. Default Chapter

Author: Wu  
Title: Grumpy Old Gundam Pilots play Bingo... or try to.  
Rating: R for the safe side, just for language, you know how some old men get.   
Catagory: I don't know *Where* to put it. Futureistic for our pilots.  
Pairings: 1+2 and 3+4  
Spoilers: Nah.  
Archives: Ask respectively first, if I catch it where it doesn't belong.. whoo boy.   
Disclaimers: I own them not. No I don't. I don't own anything to do with this fic.  
  
Cobalt eyes turned cranky as he watched the young, darkskinned nurse entering his room, a firm scowl sat heavily apon his lips as he folded his arms over his chest.  
  
"Goodmorning, Mr. Yuy." Clara greeted, albeit a bit warily as she approached his bed. This woman deserved the medal of honor *and* a purple heart for her years of trustworthy patience for this particular patient. "We're going to play bingo today, doesn't that sound like fun?"  
  
"No." He snapped, nestling more firmly into his bed with an aire of stubborness. He turned a hard gaze to the tv as if that had set the matter straight.  
  
"Now, Now, Mr. Yuy. We go through a lot to make sure you... gentlemen..." She used the term loosely. "Have an enjoyable time."  
  
"No."  
  
The young nurse sighed. "Jenny! We may need to use the Secret Weapon!"  
  
Heero's eyes snapped open. Did someone say 'Secret Weapon'? "Oh no!" He rasped, fumbling his covers off of his lap and sitting up quickly. He glared at his friend as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm coming, I'm *Coming*! Just don't you do anything that you will regret. I think Maxwell still knows some of his incoherent ramblings and all I've got to do is set him at your door at two in the morning and get him talking."  
  
Clara's eyes widened. She knew that Heero was good on his threats and hearing Duo go on and on and on about nothing in particular at that hour of the night was just something that the old man would have done to her, she frowned. "Can't you ever be a good boy?"   
  
He weazed up to her, holding on to his cane as he narrowed his eyes. "I'm not the only one that's evil around here, Jenny."  
  
"I'm Clara."  
  
"Where's Jenny?"  
  
"Probably getting the other boys ready to go."  
  
"Hn." He clacked his way into the hall, still dressed in his pajamas.  
  
"Good morning, Heero." Quatre chirped brightly as Trowa wheeled him past, both smiling as Heero grunted a casual morning greeting.  
  
"Bingo! Bingo is for the WEAK!" Wufei voiced, although with a bit of childlike excitement, as he wheeled his own chair past them at top speed down the hall and past Duo.  
  
"Bingo!" Duo cried out, lifting his hand and waving it.  
  
A scowl crossed Heero's still handsome features. "We're not there, ya dern ijit!"  
  
"I *know* that!" Maxwell chuckled. "Just trying to get a head start on you guys! I'm *winning* this round!" A familar gleam appeared in the ex-Deathscythe pilots eyes. A gleam Heero hadn't seen in many years.  
  
"It's just a game, Maxwell. Besides, you are no match for me."  
  
"Huh? What's a game?"  
  
"Nnn..." Heero frowned, resisting the urge to tug on the silver braid hanging over Duo's shoulder.  
  
~~  
  
"Now... where did I put the extra blankets and continance pads...?" Jenny mused to herself as she swept her eyes along the inside of the van, taking inventory. "Hmm. I could have *Sworn* that I packed them up. Oh well." She leaned out of the sliding door and turned, regarding the small vangaurd heading her way with a weary expression. "You boys be good and stay right here. I've got to go in and get some items before we can leave."  
  
Duo, who meandered his way to the front right fender of the van, tipped his head up and stared up to the sky with a blank expression on his face.  
  
"We'll be good!" Quatre chirped, smiling gently to the young nurse as Duo began to rock softly.  
  
"Damn woman.. telling *me* what to do." Wufei snorted.  
  
"Hn." Heero retorted.  
  
"Trowa stared at her with an impassive gaze, gripping the handles of Quatre's wheelchair to keep his balance as Duo slowly made his way around the front of the van.  
  
Jenny regarded them stoically for a moment longer, then turned crisply on her heel, resisting the urge to run inside, grab said needed items and dash back out before disaster could ensue.  
  
Duo opened the drivers door to the van as Trowa helped Quatre gain entrance into the van, followed by a cursing Wufei and a grumbling Heero.  
  
"Baka! You're on the wrong side! You get in over here!" Heero bit as he opened the window.  
  
"So says you, I'm driving, Yuy. Clara goes too slow and has the *nerve* to stop at redlights!"  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Maxwell?" Wufei yelled, leaning forward to grab his cane. He rapped Duo harshly on the shoulder.  
  
"Ow! Hey! Watch it with that thing, would ya!?" The braided old man cried out, dodging yet another blow from the irate Chinese ex-pilot in the backseat.  
  
"I really don't think this is such a good idea, Duo.." Quatre reasoned in his gentle, yet firm tone.  
  
"Trust me, Q-man!" Duo said, turning the keys in the ignition. "It'll be cool! Hell, we *own* this place anyway! This is *our* van! So I'm not *stealing* it! And besides.. Bingo's boring! Let's do something fun!" Maxwell reasoned as he tideously adjusted mirrors and buckled up.  
  
"And what would your idea of fun *be*, Maxwell?" Heero pierced from the backseat.  
  
"Well.. it sure as heck beats pissing every ten minutes, like *some* of us." He smiled sweetly to Heero from the rearview mirror.  
  
Heero frowned, slumping down and crossing his thin arms over his chest, a scowl on his face as Maxwell cackled at him.  
  
Two bags fell from Jenny's grasp as she watched the van pull away from the home at a rather unstraight, and very akward angle. "CLARA!" She dived into the flower bed before she was plowed down. "They've gone A.W.O.L.... *Again*!" She yelled, rising and dusting her legs and backside of debris as the small white van pulled away amidst squealling tires and smoke.  
  
"I'll get the med-kits and extra depends." Clara called out calmly. "Meet you in the drive." She then ran into the building to fetch said items plus the keys to the spare mini-van parked in the garage.  
  
~Tbc  
  
A.N. I'm revamping again, but I liked chapter one, so I didn't do too much too it. Read and review Onegai! ^^ 


	2. Default Chapter

(Don't own nothing to do with Gundam Wing)  
  
The small, white mini van careened dangerously in and out of traffic as the elderly self proclaimed Shinigami took it apon himself to add a little life to the group of ex-pilots. Holding onto the wheel as if life itself depended on him to do so, he cut a hard right and bounced merrily onto a side street.  
  
"Damnit, Duo! Slow down!" Heero snapped from his perch in the back seat.  
  
"This seats too hard." Chang complained, the rampaging ford the least of his concerns.  
  
"You wouldn't know hard if it bit ya." Yuy grumped as Wufei's eyes widened.   
  
"Take that back, Heero!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Take it back you stubburn bastard!"  
  
"I won't and you can't make me!"   
  
Silence descended apon the small group of elderly men as the driving was left unattended, for the driver had turned his upper body to survey to see whether the two ancient asians were going to lock swords... er walkers and canes in battle.  
  
The next events occured for our group of happy hero's in excruiating slo-mo.  
  
Children, clinging to the hands of their parents, turn to gasp in awe as the small white van begins to seemingly float in air, after it's tire strikes a curb and sends it bouncing and then flying, as it is the only thing that is dwelling in the land of Slo-mo.  
  
A large group of birds sqwak and take flight from a nearby park.  
  
Water drips slowly from a leaky faucet.  
  
A crossdresser is goosed in upstate New York.  
  
A jar of pickles refuses to be opened, causing the openee to suffer a mild temper tantrum.  
  
I can't believe it's not butter.  
  
A cat gets sprayed with a water gun to deter it from sharpening it's claws on the expensive leather couch its human just bought.  
  
Just inches away from a similar minivan, this one maroon, Duo creeps open his door and steps out feebly. "Macdonalds! I'm starving!"  
  
Growling softly, Yuy clambers out, ready to throttle the elderly Maxwell with his bared, gnarled hands. "You could'a killed us ya moron!"  
  
"Well... we gotta get there somehow, why not have fun in the process, ne Heero?"  
  
"Bakayaro.."  
  
"Duo." Quatre wheezed as Trowa helped him out of the open side sliding door. "You haven't had your liscense in thirty years or more, I don't think that you should have done this! We could have gotten into trouble!"   
  
"Don't worry about it!" Shinigami reassured. "If we're lucky, we'll make it home in once peice."  
  
"That's it. I'm calling the onna's to come get us."  
  
"Listen to yourself, 'Fei."  
  
"Don't be right, Maxwell!" The elderly Chinese man growled to his braided counterpart. "Of all things to be right about, don't be right about me needing the help of a weak woman.... damn weak... weak...weak damn woman... let's go inside."  
  
"Pull the door open, Maxwell... not push." Heero growled, now fidgeting from one foot to the other, as the excitement of the day was finally catching up with him.   
  
"Wha? I'm doing this right, now shut up and get out of my way!"  
  
"Pull the damn door to OPEN it, pushing doesn't work!"  
  
"I. AM. Pulling!" Duo bit to his best friend.  
  
"Hurry up and get us in, ya baka!" Wufei yelled, waving his cane threatenly at Maxwell's head. "There's an old woman over there staring at me!"  
  
"She won't bite you, Wufei." Quatre chuckled.  
  
"Shut up, ya blond headed, sissyfied, wimp of a weak damn onna!" Chang challenged. He quickly shrank back and scowled as Trowa moved to him, a dangerous look in his eyes. Quatre only looked at Wufei from the side of Trowa's shoulder with a look akin to 'Ha ha!'  
  
"Don't feel bad, 'Fei. There's a man over there staring at Heero's jugs." Duo cackled feebly as he struggled to push against the door.  
  
"OMAE O KORUSU!" Heero bellowed. The four other ex-pilots burst into racuas laughter, followed by a rather loud wheezing and coughing fit.  
  
"I have to admit." Winner stated as he watched the ongoing struggle between the door and Shinigami. "When I heard we were to go and play Bingo... I rather thought this day was going to be boring. Turns out, so far, so good." He beamed up to Trowa and Wufei.  
  
Both pilots nodded to him in silent agreement.  
  
Finally growing weary of watching the braided baka push against the door clearly marked 'Pull', Heero grabbed the handle and pulled, not bothered in the least by Maxwell's slight weight.  
  
"A HA! Success!" Duo crowed, then yelled, exclaiming loudly as Heero grabbed the edge of the door and gave a mighty tug on it, sending Maxwell staggering and pinwheeling for balance as the door swung open.  
  
"Never stand between a man and the bathroom when he's gotta go!" Heero growled as he shuffled as quickly as he could to the men's room, illiciting a soft groan from Quatre.   
"Really, guys. A little more manners in publ.. Duo!!" He cried out as the ex-Deathscythe pilot did his best flounce up to the condiment bar.  
  
~~~  
  
Two hours later found our young... ancient hero's sitting around a table, arguing quietly the repercussions of just HOW they were going to get home.  
  
"I can drive us, guys! Sheesh, I got us HERE didn't I?!"  
  
"You got us here via our van screaming sideways through four lanes of oncoming traffic." Heero remarked dryly.  
  
"And not one scratch on it too! Damn, I still got it!" Shinigami cackled.  
  
"I think we should call Clara to come and get us." Quatre reasoned with reason.  
  
"Hey! I know! Let's go to a pool hall! Been a while since I got the chance to shoot a good game!" Duo all but bounced (As well as an 82 year old man could) in his seat.  
  
"No. We go home. Matlock will be coming on at 6:00. I don't miss Matlock."   
  
"Yeah, you wouldn't, Mr. Kiss my justice ass."  
  
  
~TBC!  



	3. Grumpy Old Gundam Pilots play Bingo... o...

*Don't own Gundam Wing, Spidey sense, the elderly or anything else I may or may not mention in this fic. It is for entertainment purposes only. I have no money.*  
  
Grumpy old Gundam Pilots play Bingo... or try to.  
  
  
"Push.. the door... Maxwell." Yuy barked in a gratedly irritated tone, his cobalt eyes narrowing as he watched the elderly Shinigami fight with the door.. yet again.  
  
"Get off my back!" Duo grunted as he tried to pull the door open. He grunted. He strained. He cursed. He forgot what he was doing. Slowly, the blank look crossed his still handsome features as Heero growled and snorted.  
  
"Oh.. for the love of!" Quatre cried out, stepping past Heero and gaining access to outside via the other door. Trowa follwed behind the elderly Arab placcidly, giving Duo a pointed look that clearly said. "You're sure you're housebroken!?"  
  
The elderly Shinigami frowned as he followed his friends out of the door and into the sunny parking lot. Digging the key out of his overly baggy pocket, he stiffened, then froze, keys forgotten as they turned slowly in his stilled hand, catching rays of sunlight and flashing them gently in the nice, warm, sunny day.  
  
"What's wrong?" Trowa asked softly, standing by the vans sliding door.  
  
Amethyst eyes looked up into bright cobalt, both holding the same expression of 'Oh.... SHIT!!' within them. "You.. feel it, don't you Heero?" Duo said, his voice a low gasp.  
  
"Like a heartattack." Yuy answered back, full of seriousness.  
  
"What is it, guys?" Quatre asked, head turning from left to right, gazing quizically at both ex-soldiers.  
  
Duo took a deep breath and time went back to it's previous Slo-mo. "My Spidey sense is... tingling."  
  
A waiter dropped a full tray, each item landing in exquisit slo-mo, the utensils and glassware bouncing and shattering slowly.  
  
An old, wind up clock ticks off a second in slo-mo.  
  
A traffic jam happens in Slo-mo.  
  
A telephone rings in slo-mo, the person going to answer it dives unceremoniously in a graceful, yet slow arc, their feet slipping on a throw rug, tripping them and sending them to the floor. It takes them five minutes to crash to the ground.  
  
"Them...." Heero gasped softly, his voice hushed.  
  
"Damnit, Yuy. What the hell are you talking about?" Wufei chirped up ever so brightly as only he could from the back of the van, unleashing everything that was in Slo-mo back to real time.  
  
"Them, damnit, Them!" Yuy snapped, lumbering to the van as quickly as he could.  
  
"THEM!" Duo panicked, shuffling slowly to the drivers side of the van.  
  
"Heee... " A cough. "Heeee.... " Another cough. "Ahem... HEEEEEEEEEEERO!"   
  
"Damn... thought I would be able to kill her by now..." The ex-Wing pilot muttered as he groaned into the van.   
  
"Good thing for us, that we have the 'Secret Weapon'." Trowa voiced softly as he climbed in shotgun, nodding to the back of the van as he settled in.  
  
"I heard that!" Chang grumped, settling his homemade Matlock quilt that a fawning Po had croqueted for him.  
  
"Better get a move you ya old fart!" Duo barked as he settled in behind the vans wheel.  
  
Crickets chirped.  
  
"Uhm.. they're getting close, shouldn't we be leaving by now?" Quatre asked nervously, leaning forward in his seat to peer at Duo.  
  
Dogs barked and a building was demolished by a very proud crew.  
  
"The onna's are coming! We need to vacate immediately!" Wufei got excited in the backseat.  
  
Heero frowned down at his boobs.  
  
"Eye... brows... freaky... brows of death... brows of doom... coming to get us all... gonna get us and make us their slaves... gonna eat us.... freaky brows of..." Duo chanted as Dorothy hobbled feebly to the van.  
  
"Shut up and start the damn van ya damn ijit!" Heero barked again.  
  
"Get 'em girls!" Dorothy yelled as she scurried slowly to the van.  
  
"Shit shit shit!" Shinigami took the momentary shot of oxygen to his brain to realize that they were about done for. "Hang on! We're Outta here......"  
  
"DRIVE!" Heero panicked.  
  
"Oh yeah...."  
  
AN: I know.. this isn't as good as it could have been, that's why I'm gonna pull my series down and revamp the whole thing, hopefully, it will be better when I put more time and energy into it. Thanks to those who have read and reviewed! Love ya's for it! That's why I've decided to do a more better job!  
QtD  



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